I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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