his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
