i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize