I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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