I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
