Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
