Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
