So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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