3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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