Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
