Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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