kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
