i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
