Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
