i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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