Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
