I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
