it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
