this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
