I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
