it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
