5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
