I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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