You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
