My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Please don't give away my fajitas
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
