Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
