So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
