im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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