dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
