I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
