i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
