I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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