Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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