Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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