I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
