Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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