I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
