Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
