everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize