The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
