I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
