im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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