mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
