Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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