We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
