I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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