last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
