you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
