I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize