Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
