when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
