she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize