Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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