So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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