You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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