Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
