You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
