So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
