Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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