Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize