A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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