His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
