I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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